I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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