i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
