I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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