Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
