Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
