this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
