We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
