Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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