He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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