she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't tell me you're on acid again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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