she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
