my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
