I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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