that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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