Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
