I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
