The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
