the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
