Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize