I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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