Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
