They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
