11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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