I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
