In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize