A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize