i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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