I'm so fucking centered right now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
