It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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