hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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