She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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