I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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