I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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