tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
