Non-Jews are for practice
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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