why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
