I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
