I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize