So drunk its hurt
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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