the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
