We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
