I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
