$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
