saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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