I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
