so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
