I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
