Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This baby is an asshole
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
