I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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