I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
