Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we made out on top of his cat.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
