was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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