Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
