It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
