wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's blow job season.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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