No stitches, just platelets and will power
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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