Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
