some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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