I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
