Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's never too late to be topless.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
