The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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