Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
