I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
