i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
