we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
God, I missed his penis.
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