im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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