So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
