It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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