Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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