So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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